The white ELEPHANT in the room

Drug Screening

Yes, this is one of those topics that nobody likes to talk about, the 2 words that will not just f#@$ your day up, it will usually f#@$ an entire week up.

I don’t drive a truck, I don’t operate machinery, I program computers…so others may have to take more infringing tests, I have only been required to take a p!$$ test.

I had to take a drug screen yesterday, I haven’t heard the results yet, but I’m strongly opinionated on this as I have been smoking the majority of my life. So the strange thing is that since cannabis being legal for recreational use in California, and even before that time when the 215 registration for medical use, drug screening is becoming more and more common in high tech which is dominated in California. In California it started back in 1996, 15 years ago, but the last 10 I think continually get more infringing on cannabis users, as it stays in our system for so long. You can’t even put a time frame on it, since all people are different in their intake, body weight, regularity, etc…I don’t believe any of the numbers as a whole to be honest.

The first time I had to take a drug screen was about 10 years ago. I had no idea what to expect. I tried searching the net, several hits from NORML came up, but to be honest most of the advice was bad, and I decided to go with masking. I first fasted for 3 days, while I went to the sauna, and then for about 2 weeks I went to the sauna 2-3 times a week. I had some type of crap you mix as a beverage and p!$$ a couple times before you take the test. It was about 1 month that I hadn’t smoked, and even after going through that and using the masking agent I failed. I had also bought some shampoo in case they took my hair. The biggest thing I learned at this screening, the only one I failed BTW, was that I would never give my own p!$$ to anyone for a job that wasn’t opening their mouth. They can pound sand. I also learned that they don’t take hair or do swabs unless you need to DOT (Department of Transportation) test. I pity people that need to do that.

A year or so later, same crap, I was dumbfounded, I mean I was born and raised on Cali, and although I’ve never been arrested in my life, many of my friends got their heads beaten in and put in jail/prison for having a roach, or even a seed…this time I used a product that was kind of expensive, it’s called Monkey Whizz or something like that, I think it was about $50, a big elastic band that wraps around your waste and holds the synthetic p!$$ and a tube runs out the front…this is good if you’re worried about them watching, cause you can conceal the tube in your hand. This worked…but I threw the belt attachment out as I figured I could buy it again.

I guess luck of the draw, a few years later those dreaded words come up again. drug screening…go to the local smoke shop and got Quick Fix. Was only about $25 and worked, but later the labs figured out how to test for it. The stuff sold now is Quick Fix+ or something like that and has urea in it. So far it seems to work.

I have used this twice with success previously, has a Japanese heat pad, I just put it in my pants.

This is getting long, but I need to mention the new system I used yesterday, it seems they can actually test it in the machine, but the nurse wouldn’t answer directly if it did that or not, it was a pretty big fiasco. I didn’t see a reason why it wouldn’t be the same, unless they can detect the synthetic p!$$. (watch the video on this page)

I just read this today, about a month ago Amazon made a big announcement saying they won’t be testing for cannabis as recreational users shouldn’t need to hide traces in their systems for testing, or take detox drinks, etc…

I have no affiliation with these links, but picks ones seem un-bias.

When I was in college studying music I had a girlfriend that used to play a song on her guitar by Jerry Jeff Walker, she loved this line in his song where he said, “I laughed and I laughed as they burned my weed…I just sat here on this sack of seeds…”.

Yesterday this was going through my mind…“I laughed as I gave them some synthetic pee, after I went home and hugged my white widow seeds…”

News at 11:00, as they say…


Back when I worked I had good luck with Urine Luck, then the same thing happened, labs figured it out and they went to a different, 2 vial system.
The last 2 or 3 times I tested I got Quick Fix synthetic and it worked great!!
The very last test I ever pissed the head shop didn’t have Quick Fix so I used some other brand they had and it passed too.
Then I retired and said goodbye to that BS forever!!
In conclusion I guess the best way to pass a piss test - retire!
Haven’t had a lick of trouble since! :rofl: :joy:


I use a wizzanator, it’s kept my CDL for the past decade :sweat:
Hopefully one day it want be an issue, but it’s just a reality for some of us. Even where legal we got to hide stuff, it’s sad :pensive:


Oh and I don’t use the fake pee stuff, we all know some one that doesn’t smoke or most have kids. Use the real thing just not yours

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What do you use to heat it up? Or how do you get it to body temp?


In conclusion I guess the best way to pass a piss test - retire!

Trust me, nothing more I want. I have a water certificate from the State of California saying I can use my water rights to grow 6 personal plants, but can’t grow commercial. I have a letter from them outlining that…water rights are a big thing in California,

My dilemma is I can’t retire for another 7 years, as I can only make $18k/year if I’m collecting Social Security. It’s not until you reach 70 that income is not taxable.

I’m currently building a home and shop to retire to, but the problem is I won’t own my current home for another 5 years. I also have a small equity line that will take a couple years to pay off after. In general I have about 7 more years anyway. If I can make that I won’t have any home payments and can pay both tax payments and live comfortably.

So yeah, that’s the plan.


I hear you loud and clear. It f#@$'d up when you need to work.

I’m a firm believer that it’s safer to drive after smoking than it is to drive after drinking. Certainly you can argue this point back and forth, but I always have to wonder why we don’t hear stories about some guy smoking and getting into a serious accident? Some must exist, but we’re always hearing about some wanker having a head on collision after drinking too much.

As a CDL operator, were amphetamines a huge problem over the years? They now have the drivers limited so much, it seems ridiculous. I have driven 16 hours in a day, going 400 miles one way. I don’t think they would let a CDL do that anymore. The worst accidents for big rigs seem to be in traffic around my area, not on the open highway.

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Here’s another point related to this.

Twice I got a job using synthetic pee and thought I would quit smoking. The last time I did it was 2 years ago, so didn’t grow in 2020. In the end, both times I did it I ended up starting to smoke again after some time…mainly because the companies are huge hypocrites anyway.

This last one really p!$$ed me off. I won’t mention the name of the company, but they do drug screening on all the employees, but were fined a LOT of money for illegal Fentanyl. distribution. :roll_eyes:

I hope the Amazon decision is a trend in California. Kind of funny how they can’t find people to hire because of it…so what to do? Don’t do it…seems more like the guy who goes to the doctor and say, “Doc, my head hurts when I beat it against the wall…”.

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This right here is Fn bat shit crazy!!


This right here is Fn bat shit crazy!!

I filed for my water rights with the State, Jan. 2016. I had to get a report done by the Fish & Wildlife as my property is on a lake, believe it or not, there are very few lakes with water rights in California, most of it is man made lakes with government leased land around it.

It took until mid Dec. 2017, almost an entire year to get their approval. Keep in mind that cannabis was becoming legal for recreational use and limited cultivation Jan. 1st, 2018.

So if you think it’s bat $#!T crazy the state even sent me a letter stating it, they sent me the letter a couple weeks before the law changed. Of course, I then realized why it took a year. State was busy $#!Tting in their pants over water, in both 2016 and 2017 there was a previous drought and the cartel had been taking water trucks and pulling massive amounts of what water was there from some of the rivers. This was true on the Eel river for sure, right in the Emerald Tri. This is partially why I wanted my legal rights acknowledged. I have Riparian Rights, and you can do commercial or non-commrecial business with them. The State also has some huge problems with cartel growing on State Parks land, and they bring a lot of illegal firearms and insecticides as well.

The State also charges $100 for 5 years of water rights which gives me claim to 25 cubic acres per year, about 100x what a family of 5-6 uses per year… :-/

It’s all VERY bat $#!T crazy.


Good luck to ya buddy👍
Sounds like your doing it right.


I don’t know if I’m doing it right, just learning as I go along.

One of the good things is that companies are starting to see cannabis as having a huge impact on their ability to hire. Even in the case of Amazon, they’re hiring drivers and willing to remove the requirement. This is good as we’re in the home stretch to all of this infringement, IMO.

When I was about 5 or 6 years old, my Dad would take our family out for Deli on Fairfax Ave. in Los Angeles. After we had lunch we’d drive down Fairfax to the Santa Monica freeway, all the time my Dad and his friend were smoking pot while we were driving down Fairfax. They told me and my older sister it was Turkish Tobacco. Once I got into 1st grade my Mom and Dad sat us down and tried to explain Marijuana and told us we couldn’t say anything to anyone about it or my Dad could get put in jail/prison. My parents go divorced shortly after and a few years later my Mom met my @$$#O!E Step-Father, who I despise to this day, even though he’s dead. My real Dad died 25 years ago. My Dad used to buy us Beatles records in the early 60s, and to this day I still love and listen to their music, it never gets old. :slight_smile:


This last post reminded me of something I always laugh about…you may or may not see the humor…anyway, when my parents sat me and my sister down to explain Marijuana to us, we had 2 sets of encyclopedias in our house. One set was an Art Linkletter kids encyclopedia and the other was a set of World Book Encyclopedias. That’s what many people used for reference before the Internet, as you may be aware of… :slight_smile:

In the Art Linkletter book under Marijuana it had an animation picture of a smoke filled room and some hippie people were smoking in 60s clothing and it said something like, “Young beatniks and hoodlums smoke Marijuana and it causes them to start hallucinating”.

The World Book was more with real pictures showing the plants, the seeds growing in fields, etc…it was such a contrast between the two books. I mentioned I have been smoking for the majority of my life, I started when I was in middle school. No surprise, my parents were educating me and my older Sister on it when we were like 5-6 years old. Didn’t take me too long to figure out how far Art Linkletter had his head in his @$$…I mean he was a TV host that probably voted against Medical on the 215 ballot in 1996, I just looked and he died in 2006. Let’s hope 'ol Art doesn’t turn into a beatnik or hoodlum in the after life… :rofl:


I guess that is 1 thing NY is ok for. Just passed employers may not drug test employees. except extenuating circumstances.


Sry mate just now back online.

But I use one of those thermometers like they stick to kids heads that is just a sticker. You read the little dots as the temperature rises… kinda like what would be stuck to the glass of a fish tank. But it’s not a fish tank one it’s actually for human temperature, it’s just made like one…

But it’s used to make sure the temperature is right literally in the car before I walk in to pee…

But I use “hot hands” the little things you shake up and they get hot to go in gloves or socks to keep warm…

Bladder that holds the pee right above your real dick, and it has a tub that runs out the end of a fake dick that looks absolutely real…

I can and have passed many urine DT with someone actually watching me… I would post pictures of mine if I thought it was ok but I don’t want someone saying its “porn” or something :rofl:

But this is the link to get one…

Has never been an accident that was caused by just smoking weed… has always been some other drugs or alcohol with it…

I honestly only smoke, I don’t drink ever or do any other drugs…
and I promise you man, I have Asperger syndrome (high functioning autism).

And I get so manic sometimes, it’s unsafe for me to drive without smoking first…

Of course I do not get stoned on the road but I smoke from daylight to dark. I drive locally so things are alot easier for me then some one OTR.

I received those same teachings my freind…

My step dad had over 700 acres and they grew fields of weed from as far back as I can remember. In 1997 was the last crop they had and the feds shut him down that year and they took everything but 25 acres that we lived on and dad did about 12 years for it…

But turns out, I didn’t have to not say anything because everyone in the appalachian mountains knew what he did and local authorities was part if it.

The sheriff was even arrested and a bunch of other officials… I was about 17 then I guess and it looked and felt like we was being invaded by the army…

That sucks…life can be a bitter pill. Is your Dad still with us today? Either way I’m firing up a bowl in honor of him! :grin: (white widow of course)


Nah, he died about 6 years ago, my step dad that is…

My actual dad is still alive I didn’t exactly make that clear I don’t think.

My womans blood grandfather was shot by the revenuers in Mars County NC distilling moonshine back in the 20s or 30s. She never even questioned why her mom always called her grandfather by his nickname, she said she assumed it was because everyone did! Her grandmother remarried.
Her grandmother was an amazing woman. You could walk 15 feet into the forest with her and she’d show you 20 plants and tell you how to use them. She was in her early 70s before she gave up hunting ginseng. Mainly because the mountains are picked nearly bare. And she had a stand of a good 200 roots or more growing at her house! She lived to 104 and ate bacon - REAL bacon, nearly every other day of her life!!
I miss Mrs. Shelton. But I’m happy to have known her. :smiley: