Oh my …
My first wife died of poison mushrooms.
My second wife died of poison mushrooms.
My third wife died of a broken neck cause she wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.
W C Fields
All these years and i finally discovered the secret to growing good weed.https://www.adn.com/nation-world/2018/01/30/toronto-police-charge-landscaper-as-serial-killer-find-human-remains-in-flower-pots/
WTF! What a crazy story… wonder how many they will find
Oh man a cheese truck just crashed in front of my house da brie everywhere
Johnny’s mom walks in and catches Johnny having “alone time” with himself.
Mom says “If you keep doing that, you’ll go blind!”
Johnny says “Can I, at least, do it until I need glasses?”
Joke: Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for sweetness and kindness to all.
One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.
As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the water
floated, of all things, a condom!
When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. “Miss Beatrice”, he said, “I wonder if you would tell me about this?” pointing to the bowl.
“Oh, yes” she replied, "isn’t it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The
directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter!"
The pastor fainted.
A boy asks his Dad one day, “Dad, why is my sister called Paris?”
His Dad replies, “Because she was conceived in Paris.”
The boy says, “Ahh, thanks Dad.”
His Dad says, “You’re welcome, Backseat.”
Please share in the topic “Only Joking Around”
Some time ago the Americans decided to carry out a study into why the head of a man’s penis was wider and thicker than the shaft. So they got 100 volunteers for the study, which cost $500,000 over 3 months, and they came to the conclusion that the reason was to give the man more pleasure during sex.
Everyone thought that made sense, except the Germans who thought such a small study was not efficient enough, so they carried out their own study which used 400 people, cost €2 million and lasted a year. In the end they came to the conclusion that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.
Well, that caused some arguments as both theories were valid but nobody could provide the absolutely conclusive evidence to prove which one was right. The arguments went on for years until the French stepped up and did their own study.
They took 10 men, it lasted 2 weeks and cost 30 cases of wine and in the end they proved that the reason was to stop their hand flying off and smacking them on the forehead…
Three scientists were sitting in a bar arguing about what the fastest thing in the world was.
“That’s easy”, says the first, “it’s a thought. Before you realise it, a thought is in your head. So simple”
“No”, says the second, “it’s a blink. It happens so quickly you don’t even realise you’re doing it”
“Wrong”, says the third, “it’s electricity. You hit the light switch and instantly the electricity makes the light come on, far faster than either of your stupid ideas”.
Well, the argument went on and on as more alcohol was consumed, until someone else in the bar walked up and said “Sorry to intrude, guys, but I couldn’t help listening to you and you’re all wrong”
“What?”, came the reply, “we’re scientists with IQ’s above 160, how could you know more than us. Go on, give us a laugh and tell us what you think the answer is”
“That’s easy”, said the stranger, “it’s a curry”
“A curry, what in the world makes you think that?” said one of the scientists
“Well, it’s simple. I had one the other night and suddenly woke up at 2am, and before I could think, blink or turn a light on I effing crapped myself”…
I’ve heard this question was on the test they gave the three people who interviewed for the most recent greeter position at WalMart.
And the correct answer was “Urrr”
Figured I’d share with the rest of the folks following this thread as well. Aside from maybe a comedy specific forum, this one has one of the highest levels of high, naturally funny people giving each other the dumb grins, chuckles and belly laughs that make life bearable. Mostly just the way we address and reply to one another in the Morning Garden is what cracks me up on a daily basis. This thread was created by @Capt_Seeweed for our ongoing laughter that spills over from so many members across so many topics here.