A conversation that never happens

Picture it, everyone sitting around on a Saturday night after dinner, ready to fire up that green. I pull out a travel bag of about a quarter and toss it to our designated grinder.

Guy A: Why does that weed look all old and crispy?

Guy B: Das fresh herb. Gurry knows a guy.

Me: Yeah, I know a guy.

Guy A: That doesn’t look right though. Pot supposed to have 7 leaves.

Me: Really? Cause I’ve seen a nine pointed plant.

Guy A: Must’ve been a boy. I grew for a long ass time, so I know. I had plants so tall they was taller than you. I grew em in PA right outside.

Me: oh yeah? So boy weed got 3-pointed leaves. That’s how ya tell gender? (After the wk3 babysit of ball pickin autos)

Guy A: Yeah, but you can still use a boy. Just boil the leaves for the oil.

Me, rather abruptly: That sounds Nay-ah-stay!

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Guy A: Well ya do what ya gotta do to get high.

Me: Wow. I didn’t know there was so much to growing. I thought you had to feed em and train em and routinely water them and give em nutrients in their water and shit.

Guy A: No man, all you gotta do is plant em in the woods and come back every now and then to see if they ready.

Me: I could never grow weed! It sounds so complicated

Also me:

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Did u show th3 guy that picture lol

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It’s a story, Dude. I’m just sayin, don’t it always seem to go like that, where people who don’t know a flippin thing got all kinds of bad advice about how to set and forget plants in the woods. It’s not easy growing and these batches wanna say how easy and good at it they are, like ya can’t have a single fricken thing that’s yours. Got me singing Baby Bobby, “It’s MY prerogative. I can do what I wanna do…” Plus what kind of freeloading show-up complains about the quality of free weed?!

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And why they always boil it raw, making some kind of funky spinach?! Throw it in drinkable alcohol or some kind of animal fat. Don’t even decarb, just chew on the stuff. That gross, right?!

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That story sounded like something i went thru lol thats why i said did u show picture. Now a days people wilk try 2 teach u what they dont even know

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Haha…Oh the wisdom spewn from the 3 Grow-Know-it-all’s…

It goes back to ICG, Hive, OG…been there forever…learn to zip-it(as you did in your story) and wait for the C&B.

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Trust me… I’m a TV doctor!

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Ahh N.M…gif size issue…doh.

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you must have met my mother in law, so sorry about your luck!

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:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Hey, I’m technically also a doctor! :joy:

Guilty. I was there not so long ago.

I don’t even ask for advice from anyone but on this forum. I don’t trust YouTubers or anyone else who is probably toting an unspoken sponsorship for some bunk or mediocre flavor-of-the-month nutrient or gimmick product line. I have never received truly bad advice here. I have gotten advice that was bad for me, but not truly bad (I.e. I don’t grow organics or in soil, it just ain’t for me, so consequently all advice pertaining to that style of growing didn’t fit my needs). That’s what makes this place so valuable. It may not be right for you, but it’s rarely a legitimately bad suggestion.

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Coffee almost went out my nose when reading that convo!

@Graysin knows the story of when I bought some equipment off Craigslist. I went to pick it up and the first thing the fine gentleman said was “I thought you’d be a dude”. He then proceeded to explain everything about how to grow as I hauled 10 boxes of stuff from his mother’s basement!

His wisdom was precious.

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I remember that too. Thought it was very funny and stupid of him

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He had all those sick slaps from breeders and light companies, though, bro. He absolutely knew what he was about, son, he was a pro fo sho. Generous of him to impart his grow wisdom upon you a humble lady grower :rofl::joy:

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That whole experience was so surreal. At least I was able to gift most of everything to growers here.

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I love a good mansplaining :rofl:

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I just died! :rofl::rofl::rofl:

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Hey, what’s the craziest thing you’ve heard an expert say to your face about growing?

Story time, I decided that I’d make a plumber’s or turbine joint out of a burger skewer I pocketed from dinner. It ain’t stealing if it’s trash, but I was sneaky stealthy about task pickin’. I got home and put that sucker in my king crutch and rolled up a shortie as tightly as I could, really mashed it down in there. It looked like a lil bottle rocket and I was so ready for takeoff!

The stick removal yielded a defined hole right in the center. It’s nice when things go as planned. Such a good day for me. I put it between my lips, lit the lighter, and took a big inhale. Y’all know I burned tf outa my lips, for real. Real funny now, but not so funny when I did it. The sad part is, it was a solo sesh, so nobody would know it if I didn’t blast it myself. Learn from my mistakes. Stoner safety 101: don’t inhale the flame!

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