A fancy big city lawyer decides he wants to go duck hunting. The day of the hunt, he shoots a duck and it falls into a field on the other side of a fence.
The lawyer goes to step over the fence and just as his foot hit the other side, a noisy old rickety tractor comes rambling up with an equally old and rickety farmer driving.
“Watcha doin boy?” say the old farmer, wiping his hands on his greasy overalls.
The lawyer replies “I’m getting my duck.”
The farmer says “Not off of my property you ain’t”
The lawyer replies “Listen Oldtimer, I don’t think you know who I am. I’m a rich, powerful attorney from the big city and if I wanted to I could sue you for everything, including your old tractor and those dirty overalls.”
The farmer looks around and says. “Well it don’t look like we’re in the big city, does it? Round here, we settle our differences with the three kick rule.”
The lawyer looks puzzled and says “What’s the three kick rule?”
Farmer says “One person gets to kick the other three times and then the other gets three kicks. We keep doing this until one of us gives up and loses.”
Lawyer sizes up the old guy and says “OK buddy, I’ll play by your rules.”
The farmer says " I’m the land owner so I get to go first."
The farmer brings back his foot and plants a boot straight into the lawyer’s crotch. The lawyer drops to his knees. The next kick goes right into the lawyers stomach, putting him on all fours, and the lawyer instantly starts throwing up. The farmer kicks the lawyer the third time in the ass, pushing him forward, face down into a pile of cow manure.
The lawyer catches his breath, stands up wiping his face and says “Ok oldtimer, now it’s my turn!”
The farmer says “I give up, keep your duck.”