Menojuana (aka: A middle aged woman’s attempt at a better quality life grow)


#883

I’m so sorry. Here for you :+1::pray:t2:


#884

#885

Sorry for your loss @Rodri59. It’s never easy no matter their age. I lost my parents 6 months apart in 2014 and still miss them everyday. Let yourself grieve in whatever manner is best for you and just take things one day at a time. :heart:


#886

So sorry for your loss. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of my mom. She will always live on in your heart. :sleepy::pray:


#887

@rodri59 I am so sorry to hear about your mother passing! You will be in my thoughts and I’m sending my good vibes and love out your way! Keep your head up!

:v::evergreen_tree::evergreen_tree:


#888

Again, thank you everyone. Your thoughts and prayers mean so much to me :blush:

I did a lot of thinking and self-reflection last night. I won’t lie, I am still processing this loss and trying to get on top of the emotions that keep slapping me around, but I feel more at peace today. As I mentioned in another post, this is, after all, the cycle of life. Parents die before their children; or at least they are suppose to. Most of the time the universe works that out in the proper time frame, but sometimes children die before their parents and that is something I hope I never have to experience. The pain in that must be enormous.

I have lost both of my parents now, a husband and a few friends, but I don’t think anything could compare to losing a child no matter the age.

Still, I feel like an orphan all of a sudden. I know I am nearly 60 years old, but I am hearing/seeing/feeling that little girl more and more. She is crying and reaching out for her mommy and mommy is no longer reaching back to pick her up and dust her off, kiss her boo-boos and send her back out into the big bad world. I guess that is what it is. My mother was not a constant presence in my life, at least not for the last 5 years - we have lived thousands of miles away from each other. We wrote or emailed sometimes, but rarely did I get a phone call from her, she just hated talking on the phone (I have inherited that quirk as well) so when she called me the night before she passed, I knew in my heart of hearts something was wrong, something that might never be right again. I miss my mother, she wasn’t a constant in my life, but I knew if I reached out or needed anything she was just…there. Just there and always there.

There is a song I heard several years ago that always made me think of what I would do or feel when my mother died. It still rips my heart in two when I hear it and now it has taken on a whole new life in my soul. I am not a C&W person but this song touched me in a way nothing else did…Have your tissues ready if you choose to listen. This song is on replay for me today, even if I am not actively listening to it, it is there lurking in the back of my mind. Have a good day everyone and I hope you all find a measure of peace.

How Can I Help You Say Goodbye


#889

The song that always reminds me of my mom is Clair de Lune.

I am a connoisseur of grief. My best friend moved away on January 6, 2014. It broke me. I fell apart. I developed severe depression, lost 60 pounds in 7 weeks, developed cluster headaches and lost my will to live. I lost my job and nearly lost my marriage and to end it all I lost the friendship. To top it off she chose to do so on the day of my mother’s funeral, by text. That was April 22, 2016.

I haven’t known peace since the day she left.


#890

I am sorry @Myfriendis410, it is amazing to me how people or just one person can change the course of our lives - good or bad.

A connoisseur of grief. That is both poetic and horrific at the same time. I wish I wasn’t, but I think am also one…The pain never gets better or easier, we just learn to live with it.


#891

Yes. Ultimately the health repercussions from that will kill me. I also lost my ability to cry after shedding an ocean of tears. I went from a low key happy guy to a reclusive melancholy old man. Aged 20 years in six months. Counseling was worthless. And the guilt! Oi!

Growing plants gives me a reason to keep fogging mirrors lol.


#892

You have my condolences @rodri59 my thoughts are with you during this difficult time.


#893

You said everything here that I felt and lived when my SISTER (in-law) passed. It’s taken me all day to pull it together to be here and strong for you as you were for me. I thought about you and your family last night and today. So continued prayers my friend. :hugs::pray:t2:


#894

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, but love leaves memories no one can steal
I’m sorry for your loss. :heart:


#895

Good Wednesday all.

Thank you again for all your heartfelt reponses to my mothers passing. Yesterday it really sank in and I had a very rough day.

Not to mention sleep alluded me the night before - which DID NOT help the situation at all… I was very close to telling hubby to just go to Aus without me. I just couldn’t get in the spirit of the trip and didn’t want to bring his enjoyment down. In the end I didn’t and after a good nights rest last night, I do feel a bit better today. It still hurts tremendously, so much left to say and do.

Amazing how in 58 years I couldn’t get it together enough to say all I should to her/do all I should with her. It really is true those silly memes and sayings about saying/doing things with your loved ones now, because one day it will be too late. I wish I had paid closer attention to those dumb memes. I used to watch them float by on my fb page and would :nauseated_face:, Needless to say I don’t :nauseated_face: anymore.

That said, this will likely be my last entry. Just too much to do in the next few days.

I wish everyone the best with their life and their grows. :wave:

Rodri :australia:


#896

Allow the spirits of place to heal you while you are there.


#897

I hope you come back one day to visit us. It has been a blast these past several weeks with you all. ((((hugs))) until we meet again :heart: Have a wonderful trip down under


#898

Aha!!! I knew you’d peek :eyes: :smiley:
I’m glad you’re still going. You will hopefully find some peace. I’m pretty sure that you may look at things from a different perspective … sky more blue, sunsets and sunrises :sunrise:, different smells and sounds … just take it all in and it will make your soul less heavy.
I’m looking forward to your return and all the pics and stories
Safe journey and GB :hugs:


#899

Hey @Covertgrower finally scrogged the dog :crazy_face:

ignore the doggie nose.


#900

:stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:


#901

@rodri59 thanks for the tag! I’m so excited to follow this grow along. It all looks great, and should be easily cut down when it’s time, what strain did you finally decide on putting in there?


#902

That’s a dog Guard those plants