Again, thank you everyone. Your thoughts and prayers mean so much to me
I did a lot of thinking and self-reflection last night. I won’t lie, I am still processing this loss and trying to get on top of the emotions that keep slapping me around, but I feel more at peace today. As I mentioned in another post, this is, after all, the cycle of life. Parents die before their children; or at least they are suppose to. Most of the time the universe works that out in the proper time frame, but sometimes children die before their parents and that is something I hope I never have to experience. The pain in that must be enormous.
I have lost both of my parents now, a husband and a few friends, but I don’t think anything could compare to losing a child no matter the age.
Still, I feel like an orphan all of a sudden. I know I am nearly 60 years old, but I am hearing/seeing/feeling that little girl more and more. She is crying and reaching out for her mommy and mommy is no longer reaching back to pick her up and dust her off, kiss her boo-boos and send her back out into the big bad world. I guess that is what it is. My mother was not a constant presence in my life, at least not for the last 5 years - we have lived thousands of miles away from each other. We wrote or emailed sometimes, but rarely did I get a phone call from her, she just hated talking on the phone (I have inherited that quirk as well) so when she called me the night before she passed, I knew in my heart of hearts something was wrong, something that might never be right again. I miss my mother, she wasn’t a constant in my life, but I knew if I reached out or needed anything she was just…there. Just there and always there.
There is a song I heard several years ago that always made me think of what I would do or feel when my mother died. It still rips my heart in two when I hear it and now it has taken on a whole new life in my soul. I am not a C&W person but this song touched me in a way nothing else did…Have your tissues ready if you choose to listen. This song is on replay for me today, even if I am not actively listening to it, it is there lurking in the back of my mind. Have a good day everyone and I hope you all find a measure of peace.
How Can I Help You Say Goodbye